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a Resilient life [blog]

You Must Learn One Thing...

The world was made to be free in, says poet David Whyte. I feel most free when I feel loved for who I truly am. Love and Belonging: two essential human needs that are often elusive, yet we never stop searching for them until we find them. When we feel like we don't belong, we often settle for fitting in - a pursuit which Brené Brown has termed "hustling for your worthiness". You know how it goes: A dinner party with your new love and all his friends you've never met. You agonize over what to wear. When you arrive you pull out all your tricks, your best stories of when you traveled the world, name dropping subtly and wondering if there's anything stuck in your teeth...The Agony!!!! We have all hustled for our worthiness at some time, but it's a miserable affair. Because at the root of it you believe, "If they find out who I really am, they will not accept me. And then I will be abandoned by the tribe and eaten by a prehistoric cave bear." Yes, this is the depth of your survival-based fear of being rejected by strangers.

So here's the truth: sometimes you will feel rejected. You will feel alone and hopeless. When you do, reach out for what comforts you. Whether that's your favorite Chocolove bar (mine is the almond and sea-salt one), or some inspiring words like this poem titled Sweet Darkness. Make sure you're sitting down for the last line.

Sweet Darkness by David Whyte

When your eyes are tired the world is tired also.

When your vision has gone, no part of the world can find you.

Time to go into the dark where the night has eyes to recognize its own.

There you can be sure you are not beyond love.

The dark will be your home tonight.

The night will give you a horizon further than you can see.

You must learn one thing. The world was made to be free in.

Give up all the other worlds except the one to which you belong.

Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet confinement of your aloneness to learn,

Anything or anyone that does not bring you alive

is too small for you.

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